depression-lashanna-cooper

Has anyone noticed how quiet it’s been around here?  Was I the only one away?

I’ve been away for a while now and I owe my thousands of avid followers and readers an apology.  To make matters worse, I didn’t even leave a message, I never phoned or even sent a text!  So selfish….?

In my defence, the reasons I stopped writing were several fold.  The main and most important was that the dearest, most important  person in my life passed away and I was devastated, realisation of the reality of the situation but refusing to believe it was true; THIS COULD NOT BE!.  I was in no mood to write, my depression descended to a level I never thought possible and any writing I would have done would just have been about the pain and nightmares I was having.  Nobody wants to read that!

I have also been pretty ill over the last six months.  Or maybe illerer?  A new word, perhaps?  I still am ‘under the weather’ but not as bad as I was.  So, imagine combining the grieving and the illererness and you can understand why I was a complete mess.  Finally and probably the most difficult, I was trying to be positive to someone who was grieving worse than me, for a number of reasons.  Bare in mind I can’t even care for myself, I wasn’t doing very well.  So all in all, a complete mess!

So, there you have it.  My excuse.

I’m not saying I’m back to my old self.  I did say that I was still a tad ‘under the weather’ and so my physician increased my medication resulting in me lacking any creative ability other than making unique patterns of drool on my tops.  It wasn’t a pretty sight and I even have a photo (yes, someone was sick enough to take a photo of me in that condition).  So, I thought that a change of format might do the trick until things get a little better.  I have had so many things going around in my head but I can’t articulate them; I start and never finish.

I thought to start after I stopped wearing black, which I have done out of respect for my mum.  I think it’s an Italian custom to wear black for at least six months, that’s why you see old widows in Italy always wearing black.  So, I have worn black for the last ten months and looking like a fat, old Goth.  My illness helped me pull this off as the apathy and semi-permanent residency in ‘La-la land’ made the perceived view of a Goth more plausable.

For now, thank you for your understanding, or even lack of understanding as it means so much to me.  I will repay your patience a thousand fold as soon as I understand what I am saying.

JD

*The picture created by Cooper and is copyright fineart america.