Has anyone noticed how quiet it’s been around here? Was I the only one away?
I’ve been away for a while now and I owe my thousands of avid followers and readers an apology. To make matters worse, I didn’t even leave a message, I never phoned or even sent a text! So selfish….?
In my defence, the reasons I stopped writing were several fold. The main and most important was that the dearest, most important person in my life passed away and I was devastated, realisation of the reality of the situation but refusing to believe it was true; THIS COULD NOT BE!. I was in no mood to write, my depression descended to a level I never thought possible and any writing I would have done would just have been about the pain and nightmares I was having. Nobody wants to read that!
I have also been pretty ill over the last six months. Or maybe illerer? A new word, perhaps? I still am ‘under the weather’ but not as bad as I was. So, imagine combining the grieving and the illererness and you can understand why I was a complete mess. Finally and probably the most difficult, I was trying to be positive to someone who was grieving worse than me, for a number of reasons. Bare in mind I can’t even care for myself, I wasn’t doing very well. So all in all, a complete mess!
So, there you have it. My excuse.
I’m not saying I’m back to my old self. I did say that I was still a tad ‘under the weather’ and so my physician increased my medication resulting in me lacking any creative ability other than making unique patterns of drool on my tops. It wasn’t a pretty sight and I even have a photo (yes, someone was sick enough to take a photo of me in that condition). So, I thought that a change of format might do the trick until things get a little better. I have had so many things going around in my head but I can’t articulate them; I start and never finish.
I thought to start after I stopped wearing black, which I have done out of respect for my mum. I think it’s an Italian custom to wear black for at least six months, that’s why you see old widows in Italy always wearing black. So, I have worn black for the last ten months and looking like a fat, old Goth. My illness helped me pull this off as the apathy and semi-permanent residency in ‘La-la land’ made the perceived view of a Goth more plausable.
For now, thank you for your understanding, or even lack of understanding as it means so much to me. I will repay your patience a thousand fold as soon as I understand what I am saying.
*The picture created by Cooper and is copyright fineart america.