When I was younger, a year seemed an eternity. For me, 365 days was far too long a time to wait until my next birthday. I wanted it to go faster so that I could grow up faster. I wanted to be done with school, done with doing what my parents told me to do and done with being a child. I wanted to grow up and see the world, even become an astronaut or something equally as dynamic and exciting. I’m not suggesting that I didn’t enjoy my childhood, I just didn’t enjoy being a child. Little did I realise that those fleeting years as a child, protected from the world by my parents and the society I was brought up with, were the years that should have been the most cherished. Those years of innocence and carefree abandon were there to be enjoyed, and I did enjoy then, I just wanted to grow up quickly and enjoy my life as an adult. Looking back, I’m amazed by my own naivete.
Well, another year has gone by and according to popular belief, I should be that little bit wiser. I can’t say that I have noticed it, mind you, it’s not something that arrives by post and says ‘Install upon receipt’. But to be wiser, surely you must have experienced more. That’s why with age comes wisdom. Even the most ardent criminals are affected, giving up their younger days of law breaking and becoming changed people, understanding that what they did is not something that they want for their own children. That’s wisdom.
What have I learned this past year? Well, apart from all of the doom and gloom I’ve seen on the news, and the odd documentary on Discovery, not a great deal. Sat, cloistered from the outside world, I have only increased my life experience by a microscopic amount. Ask me about the long term side effects of relying on opiates, I could probably give you a good deal of information – if only I could remember it!! The fact is, I can barely remember what has happened this year. All I can really remember is the continuing fight I am having with insurance companies who think I am ‘faking it’. So, something to keep me focused during the forthcoming year.
Unlike those years when I wished the days would pass quickly, I no longer wish my life away. When able to, I always make the most of the day, even if it is something as simple as writing a new post. Whether anyone reads them is somewhat inconsequential. Naturally I would love to have a huge following of avid readers who get some form of pleasure in reading my posts, but I also dream of winning the lottery! No, the posts are a way for me to remember the year that has past, what I was thinking and even how I was thinking. They are a little like a public diary except not very personal. Ok, maybe a journal then.
Time is a human creation; we are the only ones bothered by it or even know what it is. When you really think about it (whilst addled by a huge amount of morphine, nerve suppressants and a cocktail of other chemicals) time is one of the most depressing observations man has ever made. Time passes and with it our fleeting existence on planet Earth.
It doesn’t get more depressing than that!
The passage of time does give us the chance to experience life, no matter how restricted that life may be. This year has opened my eyes to many aspects of life I had previously ignored. I am still learning different ways of looking outward instead of looking inward. When I was hurt I cut all my links to the outside world and huddled in my own private corner feeling sorry for myself. Over the course of the year I have started to stray from that corner and discover that just because things are no longer as they were, the aspects of life I had previously ignored have been something new to discover. The hardships have become new challenges, the difficulties new obstacles to overcome.
I’m not suggesting I have had an epiphany, nowhere near. I have just started looking at things differently and therein lies the experience and wisdom I have gained this year. It may not sound like much or it may sound like some over dramatized dialogue from a badly written play, but no matter what it is, it was something new and something to learn by. I’m not going to lie and say that it has made my life better. If truth be told, I would list this last year as one of the worst in my life! But, as the saying goes, things can only get better and I really hope so!
Everyone has learned something this last year. Hopefully your experiences have been mostly good and the memories also as good. The main thing is to learn from the year and, unlike me, stop wishing your life away by looking too far forward. Live for the now, the present is the only time we get to do something, the rest remains as experience and hope.
On that note (and after another depressing post) I hope that you all had a good year and I sincerely hope that the coming year offers nothing but good. Now, those of you that are minded to, start planning your diets because you over ate over Christmas, or if you didn’t celebrate Christmas you can always rely on your birthday!!