Heeere's Tony!

Heeere’s Tony!

Heeeeeeeere’s Tony!  Yes, his Maleficent, his Most Imperial Jingoist, the Former President of the United States of Britainland, Tony Blair!

As if we haven’t had enough of ‘Boy Wonder’ when he was the President, I mean, Prime Minister.  Tony Blair not only put the Labour Party in government for far too long (to be honest, five minutes would have been too long for these clowns), managed to lie to his peers in the House of Commons, lie to the entire nation and engaged the Armed Forces in more conflicts than any other Prime Minister in history, but he got away with it!

Any other leader of a country would have been considered a despot and added to ‘the axis of evil’ and promptly invaded!  By himself!

We have all heard about this so-called ‘Special Relationship’ (I’m going to rehash an old post about that later) and President Bush Jnr and President, I mean Prime Minister, Blair were supposed to have a very special relationship.  No doubt they were on the phone to each other constantly and probably wishing each other goodnight.

Blair may have thought their relationship was very much akin to the song, “I think we’re alone now” by Tiffany (a one hit wonder) when it was actually more like the song “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks and we all know who the Bitch was in that relationship!

Blair got his first taste of blood from the deployment of UN troops to the former Yugoslavia as it was breaking up along ethnic lines and the violence that ensued.  A worthy cause, requested by the UN, although the ‘peacekeepers’ were hindered by the simple fact that they weren’t allowed to keep the peace by force.  It made them impotent and often threatened by one of the waring factions.  This was when Kate Adie made her name as a journalist and was hated by the British troops as she made a habit of putting them in danger.  It was a good job she left when she did otherwise she would have ‘gone missing’, such was the hatred she provoked.

So, Blair had sent troops to do a good thing.  He had tasted blood and wanted more.  At this stage only Margaret Thatcher had deployed troops to retake the Falkland Islands back from the invading Argentinians in the early eighties.  The effect of the successful retaking of the islands raised the prominence of British troops and their capabilities as they were, at the time, in question and many nations thought that the British invasion force would fail.  This made Maggie famous and the world was introduced to a World Leader.  Blair wanted to beat that, he wanted to go down in history as one of the greatest leaders of our time.  Soooo, where next?

Fortunately for him, although unfortunate for those involved, with the collapse of the Soviet Union there were numerous fights breaking out all over the world.  He managed to send troops to numerous places (most of which I am not allowed to mention – sorry) until the greatest opportunity arose from the single most heinous act of terrorism.  On the 11th September 2001 at approximately 8.46 am the first plane, hijacked by terrorist affiliated with al-Qaeda, flew American Airlines flight 11 into the north tower of the World Trade Centre in Manhattan (New York).  What followed later that day will be remembered for all time as the worst terrorist attacks that have ever happened.  Countless innocent lives were lost and the story reverberated around the world.

President Bush, at first glance, appeared completely flummoxed by the incident then went on the create the ‘axis of evil’.  These countries were believed to support terrorism and the 11th September attacks.  Top of this list was Afghanistan.

Naturally there was the facade of requesting that the Taliban, who ruled Afghanistan, to hand over the leader of al-Qaeda but they refused.  In October 2001 Blair got the opportunity to assist the United States in the invasion of Afghanistan.  Only the US and the British were involved from the outset but there were later supported by NATO.  Blair had managed to get more troops deployed, this time to a real war!

But that wasn’t enough.  He wanted to play with his tank set.  The British had developed a new tank but it had never been in a war and Tony wanted to play with all his toys!

Fortunately for him, Bush Jnr really didn’t like Saddam Hussain.  What was there not to like?  He was your typical dictator, ruling his country by fear and intimidation and his country had lots of oil.  Not only that, a decade earlier, Saddam had been naughty and invaded Kuwait, a country most of us had never heard of until then.  The only reason it was news was because Kuwait had lots of oil too and it’s King, or whatever, used to come to the UK and spend a shed load of money.  Did I mention they had oil as well?

For Bush Jnr, daddy didn’t do a proper job when the US, UK and a coalition of forces kicked Saddam out of Kuwait.  As far as Bush Jnr was concerned, daddy should have kicked Saddam out of Iraq!  Let the Iraqi people live in a western type democracy that they know nothing about and they can all be free!  Well, we know how that turned out!

So, on the pretext that Iraq was making weapons of mass destruction (WMDs) and that these very, very, very, very, very well hidden weapons would be used against the ‘West’, Bush and Blair decided to invade Iraq as well.

It wasn’t much of a war, the Iraqi regular army was made up of conscripts that didn’t want to be in the army, the Republican Guard was made up of bullies that didn’t know what to do when somebody stood up to them and the Special Republican Guard were so special they didn’t show up for the party.  The well remembered propaganda speech made by the Iraqi government stating how they were decimating the western invaders in the desert to the south whilst, in the background, you could see US tanks crossing into Baghdad, the capital city.  You had to see it to fully appreciate it.

So, Blair had two war going at once.  That beat Maggie hands down!

Needless to say, the cost of waging war is pretty expensive.  A rough estimate for just the war in Iraq was about $60 million a day.  Wars aren’t cheap and the UK doesn’t have that much spare change.  So we went into debt.  A big debt!

Blair, having achieved what he wanted, managed to get out while the going was good and handed all his problems to his friend, Gordon Brown.  A canny move!  (That was me trying to add a bit of Scottish to the narrative).

As for Tony, now that he was free of the government and country he managed to put into massive debt, well he went on tours, making speeches for $50,000 a pop.  Not bad for a puppet.  In the mean time, his former political party became a pariah that resulted in the Scottish Independence Party getting a majority in the Scottish parliament.  That’s another story that doesn’t end well.

Blair then decided that he would take up the position of ‘Peace Envoy’ for the United Nations.  Blair and peace?  Were the UN that stupid?  In a word, yes.  So, off he pops to the middle east where he is well known for advocating peace!  The irony is lost because it was just so wrong!

To conclude this rather long post, Blair has recently popped up on the news again.  Whilst the British government, still recovering from nearly losing Scotland as part of the United Kingdom, (read above) were deciding to join the US lead coalition to bomb the Islamic State (a terrorist organisation so bad that al-Qaeda didn’t want anything to do with them), who had managed to take large chunks of territory from both Iraq and Syria, Tony pops up and makes a comment.

Have a guess.

You got it.  The British government doesn’t want any troops deployed to Iraq to fight the Islamic State on the ground (for numerous reasons) but Ol’Tony states that we should be deploying ‘boots on the ground’ rather than ‘boots in the air’ which is something completely different and not suitable for minors!

Tony Blair, official Peace Envoy for the United Nations has publicly stated that we should deploy our troops to Iraq to fight.  Am I being thick here or has the meaning of ‘peace envoy’ changed whilst I was in a drug induced state?  Has Blair struck again?  Could he not contain his blood lust?  Was he getting bored of peace, not that he was any good at it.  He was supposed to keep peace between Israel and Palestine but managed to create a war that killed thousands of innocent women and children.

Is he one of the horsemen of the apocalypse?  War incarnate?  He must be as wherever he goes a war or two breaks out!  Even the ‘Now Show’ on radio 4 made a comment about it.

Blair is too dangerous to be let free.  He should be apprehended and put into one of those inexplicably intricate prisons that we see in action films.  He should not be allowed to roam free as one of the horsemen!

Ok, rant over.  Until the next time!